Encourage Conscious, Joyful Movement

Families have a role in shaping the way a child moves in their body and in the world.

This is an excerpt, Step (chapter) 6, from my book Nurture: How to Raise Kids Who Love Food, Their Bodies, and Themselves (Hummingbird Press, 2024).

“There’s no such thing as bad weather—only bad clothing.” ~ wise preschool teachers of Ava and Kyla

My daughters were privileged to have attended an alternative preschool that insisted on getting the kids outside for a walk every day—rain or shine. Parents were instructed to have rain boots, raincoats, and even rain pants—plus a full change of clothes—for each child in a special clothing bag. As a parent in the diversely weathered state of Massachusetts, I will say that it was sometimes a pain to keep up with making sure there was a dry pair of socks, pants, and underwear every day in their bags. However, I was delighted that my daughters received a true gift: they are scared of no weather and will go outdoors in all elements. They aren’t squeamish about mud. Or rain. They don’t complain about the cold New England winters; they just bundle up appropriately. (Occasionally, as teens, they wouldn’t wear a coat, but that’s developmentally appropriate, it seems.)

I appreciate my daughters’ foundational comfort around being active outside. They have a true sense of adventure in the outdoors and in life in general. As young adults, they’ve tried and enjoyed mountain hiking, snow sports, and walks in the rain. I’m including a discussion of physical activity in this book because so many kids, teens, and adults that I’ve worked with develop a far more complicated relationship with physical activity and fitness.

I’m intentionally replacing the word “exercise” with “movement” because many of my clients and colleagues feel the term “exercise” has been weaponized and often turned into a “should.” “Movement” is a term that doesn’t seem to create the same feelings of shame and judgment. I’ll also note here that having safe spaces in which to move our bodies benefited my daughters and their classmates greatly. Some children don’t have inviting streets to walk on or access to safe places to play. And some children have bodies that don’t move in typical ways.

Moving our bodies should be fun and bring a joy-filled connection to body and self. Some kids are natural movers and need a lot of activity. They need encouragement to rest and take care of injuries and soreness that may come from using their bodies a lot, especially while growing. One of my daughters is like this. She used to come home from sports practice proudly showing off her bleeding knees. She and I tend to overdo movement at times, as the energy release is an important self-regulator. Her twin sister and my partner are both more naturally sedentary. While Kyla and I need to be reminded to rest and chill out, Ava and Pasha occasionally need some movement to balance their love of chilling on the couch.

If your child moves slowly and likes restful activities, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this innate less-active preference, despite what the diet and fitness industry may say. While some exercise is health-encouraging for all bodies, some kids like intense and competitive sports activities, and some prefer solo pursuits, like swinging on a swing set. Different bodies find different activities joyful. The key to whole-person health, as I see it, is to find activities that are both enjoyable and sustainable. As now young adults, Kyla plays ultimate frisbee and tries not to get concussions diving for the disc, while Ava enjoys what she calls “hot girl power walks” on her way to buy flowers and matcha tea for her friends.

Finding activities to complement your children’s various movement personalities can be difficult, especially when needs and preferences are different. That said, finding activities that are pleasurable and fun for kids will go a long way toward creating a healthy relationship with movement and a healthy connection to the body. Moving together as a family sets the foundation for appreciating some of the benefits of an active body, as well as helping kids develop skills around balance, teamwork, pacing one’s energy, healthy vs. unhealthy competition, and the list goes on.

I want to say a few words here about ability. Obviously, different bodies are differently abled. Some children are natural athletes, and their bodies are well-coordinated. Some children have physical disabilities and are unable to move in the ways most humans get around in the world, sometimes requiring assistance from other humans and devices to allow that movement. Most children fall somewhere in between these extremes. It’s important to honor and respect your child’s innate movement style and limitations. This may be hard if you are an athletic parent with a less physically active child—or a disabled parent with a hyperactive child. Awareness, compassion, and open communication can go a long way.

I have heard so many stories from adults who were shamed as children for their natural sedentary or less-coordinated way of moving about in the world. This shame often goes deep and leads to a complicated relationship with the body and physical activity. Shame may encourage some children and adults to feel cut off and disconnected from their bodies. Since the body is where we feel emotions like love, pleasures like comfort, and present-moment focus, it is truly heartbreaking to encounter someone who is cut off from the delights of being in a body because the pain and grief around connecting with the body has been too much. Many of my clients share stories about how challenging it has been for them to be in their bodies because they believed their bodies were wrong or less desirable than others’ from a young age.

While many kids and teens learn from adults and the internet that the reason to exercise is to “look better” or to lose weight, there are so many other reasons to encourage physical activity. For many, enjoying physical movement creates a foundation for a healthy, happy life. Studies have documented that overall quality of life is rated significantly higher by those with physically active lifestyles, no matter their age and health status. Large-muscle movements lead to increased strength, stamina, and flexibility into old age. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), physical activity benefits brain health, strengthens bones and muscles, and improves the ability to do everyday activities.

I don’t believe that being “active” for most people means going to the gym regularly, though that’s fine if you enjoy gyms. My grandparents lived into their 90s without gym workouts or special diets of any kind. I’m sure genetics was on their side, but I think being active and engaged in life must have played a role in their health. Nana, in her late 90s, was literally still kicking when I first wrote this book chapter. Housecleaning (her house was remarkably tidy), cooking, and actively engaging with grandkids were her main sources of “exercise,” and they served her well. “If you don’t move it, you lose it,” she always said.

Fitness may be the most significant factor known for prevention of disease and injury. In fact, while we can’t show that weight has a causative factor in health and mortality, there is irrefutable evidence of the effectiveness of regular physical activity in the primary and secondary prevention of several chronic diseases. Strong scientific evidence (albeit conducted decades ago, see references at the end of this chapter) shows that a regular dose of physical activity reduces by about 30% the risk of premature death, cardiovascular disease, stroke, type II diabetes, colon and breast cancer, and depression.

Physical activity improves quality of living by improving sleep and decreasing stress. It may also play an important role in the management of mild-to-moderate mental-health conditions, especially depression and anxiety. Although people with depression tend to be less physically active than non-depressed individuals, increased aerobic exercise or strength-training has been shown to reduce depressive symptoms significantly. The benefits of physical activity on anxiety symptoms and panic disorder seem to equal that of medication or relaxation. (In general, acute anxiety responds better to exercise than chronic anxiety.) Moving our bodies should be fun and not feel like a chore, even if it is literally like medicine. Joy is what makes it sustainable.

Physical fitness is one’s ability to execute daily activities with optimal performance, encompassing cardiovascular endurance, muscular strength, flexibility, and balance. Contrary to some beliefs, fitness is available to all body shapes and sizes. The health benefits of exercise benefit those who are moving in any kind of body. Fatter people who are fit are significantly healthier than leaner people who are not fit. In fact, research has demonstrated what has been called the “obesity paradox.” In one study, “fit, obese men [classified based on the BMI, which we know is not meaningful; see Step/Chapter 2 in Nurture] had a lower risk of all-cause and cardiovascular mortality than unfit, lean men.” Another study showed in patients with established cardiovascular disease and other chronic conditions (kidney disease, severe arthritis) that those in the “overweight” and “obesity” classifications had a better prognosis than lean patients. The Health at Every Size (HAES) ™ movement has been born partly from the significant research that shows that fatter people who are fit are significantly healthier than leaner people who are not fit.

People who are physically active report higher self-esteem and fewer negative feelings related to body image than those who are less physically active. Physical potential can boost confidence and can encourage an appreciation for the body for reasons other than appearance. Because computers and social media are so captivating for our kids and keep them in one place for many more hours than past generations, it’s particularly important that we encourage physical activity for balance and teach kids about the social, emotional, and health benefits of moving. At the same time, please remember my discussion in the first chapter about shame and the negative effects it has on health. Shaming our children into moving their bodies may cancel out those health benefits of the physical activity.

It’s also important not to tell children you are exercising to lose weight or to make up for what you ate the day before. This is not the best motivation for exercise. Instead of saying, “I had too much ice cream last night, and I need to go to the gym,” consider saying, “I had so much fun at my Zumba class. Will you dance with me in the kitchen to my favorite song from class?” or “I’m really looking forward to jumping in the pool. My body feels so good after a swim.” Healthy habits can be encouraged for the whole family, and they should not be about changing your child’s or your weight. When physical activity gets tied to weight loss or compensating for food eaten, it creates a more compulsive and disordered relationship to fitness. Moving for the sake of pure joy and feeling good is more sustainable, and it allows for rest, too, when the body needs relaxation more on any given day.

In my first book, Nourish, I discuss the concept of mindful, conscious, joyful movement. I make a clear distinction between the type of exercise regimen that the Fitbits of the world prescribe and the kind of activity that we engage in because our bodies and minds desire and ask to move. In fact, if you are walking just to get a thumbs-up from your handheld device, then that is probably going to get old fast. It’s going to get really old if you are a child or teen moving only to “please” a parent or coach. True love of physical activity comes from being in the body, feeling the air on your skin, the strength of your muscles, the rhythm of breathing. It does not come from checking off boxes or pleasing another person or device.

If you are counting calories or trying to please a trainer, you might not be in your body truly experiencing the joy of moving. You might also not notice an injury in the quest to meet an external goal. Fitness goals aren’t inherently bad, but they should never be a substitute for operating from within the body. Physical activity is truly about being in your body (ideally, getting a break from being in your mind) and being in the present. If the workout feels good and is fun and engaging, you’ll be more likely to do it again and again. Maybe for decades. If the exercise is tedious, exhausting, punishing, or completely attached to an external prescription (steps, calories, etc.), then it is less likely to be aligned with what your body wants at that very moment. The movement might be boring, stressful to the body, or compulsive.

In my experience, people who maintain regular physical activity throughout their lives do so because they drop joyfully into the present moment in ways that feel good. If they wake up one morning and feel tired, they allow themselves a day off to sleep in and rest their muscles. If they are injured, they modify their exercise—or ask a physical therapist to help them with recovery. They get the benefits of exercise because they are not creating excess stress in the body system; they are doing something that feels nourishing. Adults often have to find this joy of movement themselves in order to instill it in their children.

While physical activity is great for the body and mind, even too much of a good thing can be harmful. Many of my clients exercise compulsively. They can’t take a day off without tremendous guilt and self-flagellation. When I dig deeper, they often don’t really like the exercise they are doing. Running hurts their knees, or yoga makes them feel incompetent around all the young pretzel-types. Somewhere they got into their heads how much exercise they needed to do in a week. They stick to it religiously. That’s fine if it lines up with what feels good in their bodies and their life falls nicely into place around that schedule, but so often I hear about hours of sleep lost, social engagements declined, and injuries worsened because the workout program was literally in charge. The joy of moving the body gets stripped from the activity when it becomes compulsive.

It’s wonderful to encourage movement in your children, but not too much or at the exception of other meaningful life pursuits. Please also take into account personal temperament around physical activity. If you yourself feel wrong when you don’t run six miles, but, then, after you do those miles, you are completely wiped out and exhausted the rest of the day, that’s a red flag. Your relationship with exercise could be off. Listen and respect your body’s wisdom about how much activity is right or enough for you on a given day—and teach your children the same.

Here are some questions to ask when you are trying to find movement that is joyful for yourself or your family:

• What form of movement nourishes and feels good to your body and soul?

• Do you like to move outside or inside—or a combination of both? Is this weather-dependent?

• Do you like to move your body alone or with others?

• Do you have more energy for physical activity in the morning, afternoon, or evening?

• How does movement fit best into the rest of your life?

• Does vigorous or more gentle action ground you? If both do, does it depend on the day?

To cultivate mindful, conscious, joyful movement for you and your family:

• Find ways to move that you love and that help you feelpresent and accepting of your amazing, unique body.

• This may seem obvious, but don’t play sports that you hate. I hear teens in this situation quite a lot. A long-term sustainable healthy attitude about physical movement is more important than forcing an unhappy athlete to continue on the path.

• Listen to your body. If you feel sore, tired, and spent after exercising, you may be doing too much at a level that is not sustainable—or your daily-activities plate may be too full for that level of physical activity.

• Never ignore injuries. Soreness, when you use new muscles, is normal, but pain is a message from your body. What is it trying to tell you? Stop. Rest. Heal.

• Think outside the box (or gym). Find ways to move that feel good in daily life. Take the stairs. Walk the dog. Bike downtown. Stretch when you’ve been sitting too long on the couch with your laptop doing homework.

It’s also very important to see that your children and teens are eating enough food and getting enough rest to sustain and support high levels of activity, especially for those that are in daily dance classes or varsity sports. When I was a young dancer, I really had no idea how much food would support my hours in the studio. I often dieted because I thought that was what I needed to do to have the “ballerina body,” but then I couldn’t understand why I came home from dance classes in the evening and wanted to eat everything in the house. You may be surprised by just how many calories and how much sleep an athlete needs to repair all the muscle fibers and tissues that break down and build up with regular running, weightlifting, or dancing. If your child or teen is also growing (brains and many organs are, until about 25), then they need even more calories for that critical process. Teens who are athletic can truly eat you out of house and home—and that’s normal for the amount of activity and growth they are engaging in at the same time.

If your kids are getting enough food and sleep, and they are not training beyond their bodies’ capacities, then they should be able to recover from their physical activities and feel good (albeit a little sore) the next day. If your kids’ exercise routine is wiping them out, then it’s time to look at their eating and other habits. A sports nutritionist (ideally one who works with adolescents and is trained to screen for disordered eating) can help if your athletic teen needs some education around how to fuel their sport effectively. Many of my clients are surprised that just adding more food (often carbohydrates) gives them more energy and helps their bodies recover better from physical training. Under-fueling through under-eating impacts the young body in innumerable ways, affecting the endocrine (hormonal) system as well as the metabolic system. Chronic lack of nutrition is dangerous over time. It affects athletic performance and long-term health.

There is some good evidence that yoga as a movement form can be supportive of a healthy connection to the body and to movement. Yoga, in its purest form, promotes an embodying experience, which is at the heart of having a positive body image and sense of one’s self. There are many styles and forms of yoga. Although strengthening and stretching is part of the practice, there are also breathing techniques, meditative exercises, and mindfulness opportunities. These improve one’s “capacity to respond adaptively to the dynamic association continuously unfolding between the demands of one’s internal (e.g., thoughts, feelings, physiology) and external (e.g., family, community, broader culture) experiential self-systems,” says researchers Webb and others in a recent journal article critiquing Westernized yoga. This means yoga may encourage embodiment or embodied awareness.

Embodied awareness is a way for us to connect to the present moment by using the body, the breath, or any other sensory experience to ground ourselves. Yoga encourages this awareness, but the context seems to be important. Embodying experiences are more likely if yoga studios and instructors eliminate mirrors, appearance-orientation, and discussion of weight and shape. Yoga instructors should offer poses that are just challenging enough while remaining safe, comfortable, and inwardly focused, instead of focusing on what and how others are doing the poses. This encourages safety, respect for the body, and an empowering student-teacher relationship. Certain poses such as Warrior I and II also represent agency and functionality, challenging the social constructs of the female gender as submissive, passive, and weak.

Studies of yoga with teens show mixed results as to whether it improves body image. Webb and colleagues again argue that yoga’s rapid rise in Western culture since the 1970s has to be understood in terms of the commercialization, appearance-focus, celebrity, and fitness culture. “The yoga body” and the culture surrounding yoga create barriers for people with marginalized social identities like ethnic minorities, higher-weight individuals, people with disabilities, and people with lower socio-economic status. This is not how yoga, inclusive for all, was intended. All bodies deserve embodiment practices. With the right teacher and mindset, yoga designed for kids and teens of all body types can be empowering and foster integration of mind, body, and spirit.

As I said before, my family has four members with very different movement styles. Kyla would choose to hike and snowboard with friends over her school vacation, while Ava says, “not my vacation vibe.” She would choose to enjoy lots of snuggly time on the couch reading or watching her favorite Netflix series. They both needed a break from the stress and intensity of exams and college applications and chose to unwind differently. They’ve always been different that way, though they both seem to find a balance between movement and rest most of the time.

My musician partner is more inclined to be chill, while I’m oriented toward regular movement, given my dance background. Despite our different movement temperaments, we often go for walks together. Sometimes I will go swimming while he sits by the water and watches the waves; sometimes he will join me. When we go out to see live music, I could dance all night, while he’s more likely to be still and study the other musicians’ craft. Sometimes he dances along with me. As a family, we’ve had to navigate those differences, letting the teens hike the trails out ahead of the slower 50-somethings.

I’ll end by sharing that my personal favorite way to “exercise” is to have a dishwashing dance party. At my house, we have a sparkly disco light and a lengthy dance-party playlist. My family has been known for impromptu kitchen dances. Other joyful family movement might include hide-and-seek (even in the house), hula hoops in the park or yard, and games like Twister. If movement is fun and part of daily life, then it’s not a chore, nor is it compulsive and over-stressing. Movement is like eating; it is a pleasure that sustains us and reminds us that being in a body is one of the joys of life. Encourage your kids to enjoy a balance of movement and stillness and honor their bodies’ wisdom around what feels good.

In summary,

• Avoid shaming around physical activity and appreciate your child’s individual style of movement: athletic or differently abled, active or sedentary, and everything in between. Be very careful with young people around judgments of the body at all.

• Do active things together as a family in order to give your child a foundation for sustainable, fun movement and connection to the body.

• Encourage outdoor time as a family, in order to take a break from computers and appreciate the natural world and how it feels to move in it. Leisurely walks in the park do count.

• Teach children and teens about the joyful aspects of physical activity—and eventually the health and mental-health benefits—but don’t make exercise about losing weight or making up for food eaten. The latter encourages a more compulsive and disordered relationship with exercise that is more about self-control than self-care—and generally less sustainable.

• Remember that you and your children do not need to work out to have good bodies. This is a myth rooted in ableism, healthism, and many kinds of privilege. Honor the different movement temperaments of your different children in their unique bodies. Let your kids move how they want to or don’t want to.

• Consider one of your jobs as being a blockade from what the money-making diet/beauty/fitness culture is trying to shove down your kids’ throats everywhere on social media and otherwise. Repeat messages of balance, gentleness, and moderation often.

Step 6: References and Resources

Rejeski, W.J., Mihalko, S.L. “Physical activity and quality of life in older adults.” Journal of Gerontology Series A: Biological Sciences and Medical Sciences. 2001;2:23–25.

Brown, D.W., Balluz, L.S., Heath, G.W., Moriarty, D.G., Ford, E.S., Giles, W.H., and Mokdad, A.H. “Associations between recommended levels of physical activity and health-related quality of life. Findings from the 2001 Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System (BRFSS) survey.” Preventive Medicine. 2003;37(5):520–528.

Warburton, D.E., Nicol, C.W., and Bredin, S.S. “Health benefits of physical activity: the evidence.” Canadian Medical Association Journal. 2006;174(6):801–809.

Paluska, S.A. and Schwenk, T.L. “Physical activity and mental health: current concepts.” Sports Medicine. 2000; 29(3):167–180.

Lee, C.D., Blair S.N., and Jackson, A.S. “Cardiorespiratory fitness, body composition, and all-cause and cardiovascular disease mortality in men.” The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. 1999;69(3):373–380.

Lavie, C., De Schutter, A., and Milani, R. “Healthy obese versus unhealthy lean: the obesity paradox.” Nature Reviews Endocrinology. 2015;11:55–62.

Association for Size Diversity and Health (ASDAH). https://asdah.org/

Liu, M., Wu, L., and Ming, Q. “How does physical-activity intervention improve self-esteem and self-concept in children and adolescents? Evidence from a meta-analysis.” PLoS ONE 2015;10(8):e0134804.

Schauster, H. Nourish: How to Heal Your Relationship with Food, Body, and Self. Somerville, MA: Hummingbird Press, 2018.

McCall, L.M. and Ackerman, K.E. “Endocrine and metabolic repercussions of relative energy deficiency in sport.” Current Opinion in Endocrine and Metabolic Research. 2019;9:56–65.

Cook-Cottone, C., Cox, A., Neumark-Sztainer, D., and Tylka, T. “Future directions for research on yoga and positive embodiment.” Eating Disorders: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention. 2020;28(4):542–547.

Webb, J.B., Rogers, C.B., and Thomas, E.V. “Realizing yoga’s all-access pass: A social justice critique of westernized yoga and inclusive embodiment.” Eating Disorders: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention. 2020;28(4):349–375.

Sole-Smith, V. Burnt Toast Newsletter. https://virginiasolesmith.substack.com/