How Not to Burn Out on a Book Tour (or Be Rattled by Performance Anxiety)
Oops. Too late for me. But I'll try to help you out.
“You looked so chill up there,” my partner and book tour manager told me after witnessing me speak at a professional conference. I might have appeared calm, but regulating my nervous system when I talk publicly requires a fair amount of work.
Intellectually, going into these speaking engagements, I had nothing to worry about. I knew the material. I’ve talked about the contents of this book, which contains my life’s work, a lot lately. Nevertheless, my body still thought a saber-tooth tiger was lurking nearby.
There’s a name for this: performance anxiety (commonly called “stage fright”). While practice does tend to make the stress less, I still feel it deeply. I can tell because my body does weird things the entire day before I give a talk. I stop digesting well (usually, I have rock solid digestion), feel a lot more revved up, and get visited by this apparition in the middle of the night between 2-4 am, which keeps me from sleeping. (Maybe the hotel in Syracuse, New York, was haunted, though.)
In my youth, the day and night before a dance performance used to terrify me equally. Dance was my happy place—in the studio, not on the stage.
Perhaps I should have listened to the wisdom inside me that said four talks in three weeks is a bit much. Today, I’m recovering from a rogue one-day high fever that knocked me over on the tail of the book tour. It’s not likely an accident that I got sick on the way home from the last of the four significant speaking events. It’s as if my body could finally let down all that it was holding.
Performance anxiety is defined as “an excessive feeling of fear related to not being able to perform well. People with performance anxiety may experience rapid heartbeat, lightheadedness, shallow breathing, sweating, and other symptoms when faced with a situation where they have to perform.” Anyone can experience this, even athletes, actors, and public speakers in the spotlight as part of their careers.
Unfortunately, performance anxiety can prevent us from doing what we enjoy and affect our work. It can also negatively impact our self-confidence and self-esteem. While it may be impossible to overcome stage fright totally, we can learn to work with our emotions and reduce the effects of anxiety.
The first steps toward overcoming performance anxiety are confronting our fears and vulnerabilities, accepting ourselves for who we are, and not feeling like we have to prove ourselves to others. I call myself a “recovering perfectionist.” This is not the most brilliantly written newsletter, but it’s good enough.
The next step to managing performance anxiety is learning how to redirect our negative thoughts, beliefs, and predictions about performing in public. We must notice those thoughts and beliefs first, then let them go—staying in the present and focusing on creating a positive outcome.
Here are some things that helped me on the Nurture Book Tour, allowing me to ground when I had two minutes until my talk and the PowerPoint wasn’t working:
Being prepared. Practicing. Practicing again.
Shifting the focus from myself and my fear toward the enjoyment I provide the listeners. When the audience laughed at one of my jokes, I took a moment to pause and take that in. This nicely confused my inner critic.
Meditating the morning of my presentation. When anxious, I struggle with seated meditation, but a short meditative walk or long pause to look at a beautiful piece of nature did wonders for me before many of my talks. My research told me that it is best to practice some relaxation technique every day, regardless of whether you have an event, so that the skill is there for you when you need it.
Limiting caffeine on the day of the event, and eating a balanced meal a couple of hours before my talk so that I have good energy.
Not focusing on what might go wrong (e.g., the PowerPoint not working two minutes before my talk, which actually happened). Instead, I remind myself that it will all work out and that the tech person has my back, visualizing success.
Taking deep breaths and feeling my feet on the ground. Bringing my awareness to the Earth supporting me is something I find particularly comforting, and I discovered this during my studies in Somatic Experiencing (SE).
Connecting with the audience by smiling and making eye contact with some of the people who are most familiar to me in the audience. I aim to receive the ju-ju offered by the person who is nodding and smiling back at me.
Being myself. Performance anxiety is usually worse before the performance and goes away once I get grounded and warmed up.
I’m grateful that my stage fright isn’t preventing me from doing what I enjoy — talking about things I’m passionate about and dancing — anymore. In the last year, I started to perform again with a modern dance troupe of women (most of us are age 50+). I show up for performances feeling much less anxious than I did in my youth. It’s possible that I’ve finally gotten over that fall in the middle of my Sugarplum Fairy solo.
In addition to the strategies above, if you’re planning a book tour, I highly recommend:
Knowing your limits. Yep. Four speaking engagements in three weeks (on top of other work) is too much for me. Duly noted.
Giving yourself at least a half-day (ideally a full day) to recover after a book tour trip, if only to get your laundry done and plants watered in peace.
Meeting up with good people on the book tour, enjoying good food and new sights in new towns — but not forgeting to honor the introvert in you. (I’m 50%, and I often forget this part to my detriment.)
Scheduling book tour locations where you can have at least a day of pleasure, too.
Though I didn't execute these strategies flawlessly, they provided the balance that kept me from an even more menacing Book Tour Burnout. Evidence-based advice around performance anxiety matches many of my strategies above. Please remind me to pull this article out next time I decide to book tour — and I hope these nourishing nuggets might help you with your next big project or performance.
Other Nourishing Nuggets this week:
My latest book, Nurture: How to Raise Kids Who Love Food, Their Bodies, and Themselves, has been translated into Spanish, thanks to my dear colleague Oihana Albizu from Mexico. Because there are so few books related to eating disorders and prevention in Spanish, I’m offering this translation as I did with my first book: donation only. If you’re interested in obtaining a copy of the book in Spanish, please contact me at heidi@anourishingword.com.
This article on Substack, “Teaching Young People That Feelings are Safe,” includes an excerpt from my new book.
An interview I did for Oprah Daily came out this week. You might only be able to read the whole article if you subscribe to her newsletter, but it's a good article by Rosie Hopegood, consistent with Health-at-Every-Size. Something to balance all the weight loss drug hoopla.
I recently spoke with Christy Harrison on the Food Psych Podcast and Victoria Kleinman on the Body Love Binge Podcast. I hope you’ll enjoy these conversations as much as I did. We talked about why putting kids on elimination diets in the name of health often backfires; how parents can help kids develop a good relationship with all foods, including demonized ones like sugar; developmentally appropriate ways to talk to kids about nutrition; why pleasure is actually more important than nutrition; and more.
I recently launched a “Friday Chat for Empty Nesters” on Substack. Please join the conversation every Friday about how we care for ourselves during this transition. Here’s a page about how to participate in this Chat.
A big thank you to
for her Substack essay collaboration! I am honored that I get to nourish your inbox roughly twice per month and that I’m writing alongside others who are committed to doing the same for their readers.
Nurture received a Mom’s Choice Gold Award for Excellence in Family-Friendly Media and Products. How cool is that?
Sigh. If awards could only help us with performance anxiety . . . They don’t because it’s not about how many awards you have; it’s about how you feel about yourself regardless of the accolades. This is why I keep doing my work, encouraging my clients and readers to do the same.
Warmly and with love in this shared life journey,
https://www.anourishingword.com/
P.S. If you have read or listened to my new book, Nurture, please consider giving it an honest review on Amazon and Goodreads. (The same review can be cut and pasted into both places, and you don’t have to buy it on Amazon to review it there.) Reviews help the book get into the hands and ears of families who might benefit. Thank you.
I am sure allí the hard work now Is worth after seeing the interest of si many people in your books AND work in general ♥️